Sold By: TheOldCrone

1 in stock

*Kate is not intended for children. She is a one of a kind art piece, please only clean with a soft, dry cloth.Kate is apx 16 inches tall. Exact measurements can be given upon request.

Ships From: United States (US)

Category: Tags: , , , ,

Well, Kate ain’t like ma babies. She come ta me lookin’ fer a job. I done hired ‘er as a housekeeper, an she does like ta help Mary in tha kitchen.

See Kate was employed by a fancy Lord over the ocean, an’ turns out ‘e was a sick an’ twisted man. E’ would lure people ta ‘is house an’ murder ‘em, and force poor Kate ta help ‘im dismember tha bodies. Can ye believe that? Well, see I shore didn’t at first shine. Cain’t no one FORCE ye ta do thangs like that.

Well, Kate broke down an’ started in ta cryin’ bout how she fell in love with tha fella, an’ ‘e promised ‘er that ‘e was gonna marry ‘er, despite ‘er bein’ jest a servant. So o’course she helped ‘im hide tha bodies. An’ when one o’ tha detectives come ta call ta ask o’er a few o’ tha missin men, Kate told ‘er fella ta invite ‘im ta dinner, an’ she’d fix somthin’ very special. See she kinda took a likin’ ta figurin’ tha best way ta’ get rid o’ the evidence. She’s sech a creative girl!

Anyhow, that detective come callin’ fer supper, an’ Kate showed ‘im ta tha table, an’ him and ‘er fella set down an’ was discussin tha recent disappearances. Out come Kate with a big ole platter o’ home made smoked sausage. That detective ate till ‘e was fair ta burstin’, praisin’ Kate’s way with seasonin. Fer tha next course, she tells me she brought out a chicken in aspic dish. Now I ain’t much fer fancy eatin, so I had ta ask ‘er what in tarnation is “aspic”??? “Oh Mum, it’s a meat in a savory jelly dish, and so delicious!” Blarg! No thank ye! Meat jelly? Yek

So she says tha detective ate ‘is fill o’ that, though I cain’t see how, an Kate brought out tha third course, another jellied dish. Said she told ‘im it were jellied eels. I cain’t wrap ma head around how them fancy folk can eat that stuff. Kate promised me I’d love it, but I don’t think so.

So tha final course was bein’ brought out, an it were a mince pie. Well, after eatin’ such delicious food, that detective had a good visit with Kate’s fella an’ jest know’d ‘e couldn’t be one ta cause tha disappearances. “e was jest too refined an’ polite ta do anythin’ as dastardly as all that.

Well, a bit o’ time passed, an’ tured out that Kate’s fella was actually caught bludgeoning a woman ‘o tha night. Once they done arrested ‘im, it come out that Kate helped ‘im ta dispose o’ tha bodies by grindin’ or filleting them an’ makin’ them fancy dishes she was s’good at. Heh heh heh said how half o’ Scotland Yard came down sick cause they’s all been guests fer dinner, an’ fer WEEKS after couldn’t none o’ them keep no food down heh heh heh.

Well once she knowd they was a’ gonna arrest HER, she jumped on tha first boat she could afford, an landed here in my town. How could I not give ‘er a job? Weren’t HER that killed them people. She was jest tryin’ ta help ‘er fella. Sides, Mary could use tha help in tha kitchen. An’ Kate done showed me after ‘er first week how she can do pure magic with sausage. I ain’t even gonna worry ‘bout tha whisperin’ I hear bout missin’ hobos.

Kate shore didn’t do it. She’s a good girl, what fell in with tha wrong fella. Could happen ta anyone.

Additional information

Weight 32 oz
Dimensions 18 × 10 × 10 in

Only logged in customers who have purchased this product may leave a review.


There are no reviews yet.

( 0 ratings )No ratings have been submitted for this product yet.

Shipping costs

Shipping from United States (US)
Within United States (US) $10.00
Outside United States (US) $100.00

National Rates

Free National Shipping $0.00

International Rates

Free International Shipping $0.00
Disable International Shipping $0.00

Shipping Details

There are no questions yet. Be the first to ask a question about this product.

Send me a notification for each new answer.

Main Menu